The unthinkable…

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The last few weeks have been tough. The unthinkable happened. My father passed away unexpectedly in the night. Our family is heartbroken, shocked, and will be picking up the pieces for a long time. My dear dad left us far too soon and with no warning at all. By some strange coincidence all of us (his adult children)-except one-were nearby. Seeing my aunts and uncles, cousins, family friends, and his friends cry broke my heart further. People were standing at his funeral as every available seat was taken. All my siblings had the courage to say a few words but I could not as I knew I would not be able to say a word without falling apart. My poor mom is still in shock and we all cling to her and support her in the ways we know how. I cry every day and it is impossible not to think of him. He was the fabric that was woven into the tapestry of my life that has now been ripped out…which can no longer been seen or touched but left to memory, photos, and videos. We all have a thousand what ifs and if onlys on our minds. Friends and family came for weeks to offer comfort, food, and some had advice on how to cope as they had gone through the same in the recent past. It was comforting at times and hellish at times to receive these visitors. Now things are settling down but nothing is the same. A new chapter in life is starting. One I never wanted to deal with  and always dreaded. One I thought was far away. One without my dad. My dad who has always been there. The one who was proud of me at times, angry at me at times, but who always loved me. I do not know what life will be like after this. So far it has been dark and grey. I know time will heal, the good memories will stay, that he is at peace, and that everyone must deal with this at some point in their lives but I wish we had more time. We had so many plans for this year and so many things that we were looking forward to as a family that will now never come to pass. The course of our lives is altered but an important lesson has been learned. Life is short…so live it well and “gather ye rosebuds while ye may.”

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