Most of my friends had their first child a few years ago. I dragged myself to baby showers and had a difficult time connecting with these friends in many ways both literally, as they were often home bound, or because I could not strongly relate to them for the time being.
I was in no such rush to have a child myself and often joked I wanted to wait as long as possible! Then, in the last year, I became more comfortable with the idea of having a child. In February this year we decided to stop using contraception and let nature take over. This resulted in a super quick pregnancy (which I did not realize had even occurred) and a miscarriage before the pregnancy was detected. For some reason I was under the impression it would take some time after ceasing contraception but I guess not. The miscarriage was awful as it went on and on and finally I had to have a small surgery. In the meantime, my iron stores plummeted (and I mean totally!).
Since then, I have been taking iron supplements (and am still low) and started taking some pre-natal vitamins but we prevented all possibility of a pregnancy as I wanted time to recover after that ordeal. The doctors said it was very normal to have an early miscarriage (less than 2 weeks pregnant) and not to worry about future pregnancies but I wanted a break. Then summer came and I wanted to just enjoy all the sunshine (and wine) so we decided to take some preventative measures. Autumn came and work went back into full swing. Early next year, we are expecting some changes at work which I would like to be part of. However, in the last few weeks I have been thinking more about family planning and that I need to stop delaying.
I realize there will never be a perfect or ideal time to have a child. Something will always be going on…from weddings in the family, trips we want to take, to work opportunities, and constant financial limitations. At no point in the past was it a good time. At no point in the future do I expect it to be a truly good time (unless we win the lotto…). Last December I had taken a whole month off work. In that time I did a lot of reflecting and had a lot of realizations about how work is not everything and other parts of life matter-and that I do want a child at some point. As 2016 dawned and I returned to regular life some of those realizations stayed with me but many began to fade.
Now, it is almost a year since that month off and although all worked out as I think it should have this year, it is also time to get back to the bigger picture and think about what life is all about and where I want to go next. I am definitely ready for the next chapter and life stage. I have come to realize in the last few weeks that with our big debt due to be paid off in the next few months, my husband’s citizenship looming, work changes being constant, and a new year coming, I am ready to let nature take over once again rather than actively preventing possible pregnancy. It may not be the best time but it sure is not the worst!
It could be one month or it could be several to become pregnant or it could be another miscarriage but I am ready to let go and see what happens next. I do not plan to track ovulation and plan or any such thing but just live naturally and let fate take over. Should be an interesting-and hopefully positive-few months coming up! This weekend I will celebrate this decision with a final (for a time) bottle of wine. Scary but exciting stuff!