Family drama = spirit fizzle…


It is official and I am on vacation. For four whole weeks! I was super excited but yesterday my spirit fizzled just a little bit-thanks to some family drama. Here is what happened: My husband is currently with his truck in Vermont (he is a long haul truck driver and has been away 2 weeks) and was offered two choices: 1). to wait until Monday and then drive a load over to Oregon (which is great as this is close to home and after the load he could come home) or 2). on Friday get a load to Florida where my sister lives. He called me and we decided he could drive to Florida and I could meet him there via plane on Monday as I have a free flight. Afterwards we could hang out with my sister and her family. Her kids love my husband and I am sure it would be super cool for them to see the inside of a truck. Also, she has been inviting my husband and I for months. We thought this would be perfect as I am off work and it would be great to hang out with them for a few days before the holidays.

I called my sister and she said she would get back to me. I told her it was time sensitive but she did not call for a few hours. When she did, she informed me she did not think it was a good idea to come as her husband is not a fan of mine. I was shocked. I asked where it was stemming from as her husband is not around much and has never really gotten to know mine. There were some early issues in which my husband was not behaving well (5 years ago) but everyone has come to understand that was related to his very stressful immigration and settlement and he was coping with a lot. She agreed but said her husband felt mine is odd and does not want him in his house. He said he would leave it to my sister but would not be hanging around while we visited. I was very hurt. I asked my sister how we could work on this relationship if not now then in the future as we are a family and avoiding each other is not an option. She said they would get to know each other in group settings and maybe he would start to like him eventually but for now he is a stubborn man who is an only child and has made up his mind about my husband and once it is done it is done. It was clear that was final and things would not be changing.

I told her she had the opportunity to be honest in the past but never was (and even kept inviting us over) and I could at least appreciate it took her great courage to say this truth. She said we cannot always expect everyone to get along but this is much more than getting along. It seems this brother in law despises my husband although he does not know him well (nor has he tried to) and is clearly judging him on the worst time he had in his life and not being at all open. By this time, thankfully, the load to Florida was given to another driver and I did not have to explain anything to my husband. As far as he is concerned, all is good-and am going to leave it that way.

However, this has affected me greatly. I am not impressed with my sister and her behaviour. She did say she does not have the kind of marriage where she can force these things which is fine but she was very rude in her interaction with me and could have been more gentle in framing her message. Personally, I would never ever let on if my husband did not like one of my siblings and I would expect him to behave very courteously to my family-that would be non-negotiable. I guess we are all different. After this I definitely feel sad and awkward. I am not sure what to think now. A bad start to my vacation but hopefully I can at least put it aside and enjoy the rest of 2015.


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