Am currently getting the silent treatment from my sister. This is the one that has been visiting for a month from Florida. It is a total pain in the ass and totally stressful. All month, things have been fine. In fact, I never thought we would ever come to the point where we would have a fight like this ever as this is not my style and I do not usually get into these kinds of things. If I have in the past, I assumed I was beyond it now. This time, however, I have been dragged in!
It all started yesterday when she was in a very stressful situation and misinterpreted a suggestion I made as me not wanting to watch over one of her children while the other one was needing medical attention. I ALWAYS say yes to all her babysitting requests so not sure why would assume I am trying to shirk it this time around. All I suggested was that child one may want to visit child two before I started babysitting. Anyways, it lead to her yelling at me, calling me names, and hanging up the phone. Real nice from someone in their 40’s!
I immediately called back to clarify she had misunderstood but she was not interested in listening and after a few abusive words, hung up again. I felt a lot of irritation and stress but I understood she was worried about her child, stressed out, and was going to let it go. A few hours she came home and lashed out at me in three very intense bursts (with no provocation) which I refused to engage in since her children were at home and would be exposed to our yelling and screaming. I am not about to battle it out with their mom in front of them! I had to literally run away from her and into the garden at night just to shut down her tirades. I ended up bursting into tears several times as she is the type of person who digs up every single thing and low blow she can think of to say to hurt you and last night she did not hold back. She ended the night screaming at me that I must be crying because I have other issues in my life, that she was done with me, and all day today has not spoken a word to me-which is very awkward and stressful when you are living in the same home. I should mention that there are hundreds of low blows of my own that I could make but I am just not that kind of person.
I was upset all day today as she is making me feel just awful with this silent treatment. It is so clear by her body language and miserable scowl that she is ready to blow up any second so I have not tried to initiate a conversation either as I normally would have to resolve a situation or just to finally explain myself. I feel I have been nothing but nice to her and her family all month and in return she has attacked me, maliciously brought up all kinds of things with the intent to hurt me, and, to put icing on the cake, even tried to turn her kids against me! Am furious and really hurt by all this. Who needs this kind of family member in their life???
I am at a loss as to what to do but I am not willing to be anyone’s punching bag. She crossed the line by throwing all kinds of low blows, past nonsense, and random insults at me-and all of this over something she misunderstood and would not let me even clarify! She screams at me that I have changed, that I am a terrible miserable person, made comments about my husband and marriage which were totally unnecessary, and said or implied all kinds of other things which were just too much. I was shocked but now that I have had a day to digest, I think she was stressed out and wanted to lash out. In her lashing out, I realize she has projected many of her own issues on to me and perhaps all this has nothing to do with me so I should not focus on her nasty words. It is difficult though.
I think one of the other reasons she is unconsciously upset is that I am now married and things in my life are different. Although I have been married almost 4 years, due to the fact she lives far away she has not really seen my marriage in action other than a few dinners here and there until this trip since we are all in the same house. I am getting the impression it bothers her that there is someone else that is a priority in my life and who I choose first. Thus she criticizes this marriage as a way to hurt me. This is based on some of the comments she made in her tirades and not necessarily as a result of the initial stressors she was dealing with. By it coming up in her tirade, it is clearly an underlying theme she is dealing with. I understand these types of feelings as I have felt them myself although in my case it was more like a sense of loss. When one of my sisters first got married, it felt like the end of an era, she was starting a new family and our tight knit nuclear family was no more and she would choose her new family as the priority-which is totally acceptable-but it felt sort of sad. We were turning into adults and going our own ways for the first time. In her case, maybe this has manifested itself in a sense of rage but deep down she is hurt and jealous due to feeling second.
I don’t know. I could guess a million reasons as to what her problem is but I have been miserable because of this fight since yesterday and I write this blog post as a way to purge myself of this nonsense and move forward with my own life. All of this has nothing to do with me- only I am making it about me and have to stop. I will let her have it and when she is ready, if ever, to talk, I will just be honest, let her know how she made me feel and explain to her that this type of lashing out is unacceptable. As the younger sister, I have to draw my line, my boundary and, she needs to respect it. If not, I really do not have time for toxic people and their projections in my life and will have to make it clear to her that I am keeping my distance until she is ready to grow up.