The month is almost over and I almost forgot to write about our big 3 year anniversary! As of this month, we have been married a whopping three years. This year, the special day fell on a work day so we did not make too much of a production out of our day. Instead, we had a nice meal together, exchanged a few gifts, and made a plan for a cool weekend date…which has not happened yet due to other things going on during the weekends. July was really busy. Since I already purchased our segway trip as I mentioned in this post, we will have to carry over that activity to August! Am definitely looking forward to that!
Regardless of all that, the main thing is that we have been married for THREE years. In that time, we have come a long way as a couple. When we were dating, we were in a bit of a fantasy world as we had an international cross cultural romance and everything was exciting. Dating and the wedding and the immigration process were all a bit of a wonderful whirlwind. When all that settled down and my husband finally moved here to start our life together is when our issues started to arise. Of course all couples have issues and I have heard many many people say the first year of marriage is the hardest but we also had all the immigration and settlement issues to deal with so it felt like a double hit.
Loneliness, culture shock, insecurity, jealousy, inability to speak the language, not understanding the systems in the country, feeling like you are back at a grade one level, grieving the loss of a grandparent who died in your arms recently, not having friends, missing your family, missing your regular food, having to take on only entry level jobs are all issues my husband was dealing with in his first year here. It strongly impacted our relationship and there were times I thought we would not make it. But, here we are three years later and everything is different. We slugged through the hard stuff and are on the other side-for the most part. The whole first year (and maybe a half) of being here, my husband wanted us to return to his homeland. Now, he finally understands and appreciates this country and feels it is his new home and where he wants to build his life. Thank goodness. Not that I am not willing to move back but I would only want to do so for a year or so per decade.
Through our journey, I have learned we do still have a few issues but we also do several things well. These include being considerate of the other, including and really wanting to be with the other, our communication (despite having different native languages, religions, worldviews which impact communication) is great, we have a strong love for each other, strong intimacy, and we overcome difficult times together quite well. We have negatives too but I want to end on that positive note. I am appreciative of my partner and happy we are together and building this unexpected life together. I look forward to seeing where the next three years take us. I hope, by then, we are still great together, in progress for one of those major goals (children or house), and still having fun together.