Rebuilding bridges…


I am feeling a bit re-energized at last! During our time apart, my husband and I decided we will spend at least one of our mutual days off a week together rebuilding our relationship. Not to say that we will not see each other or speak on other days (or work on the relationship), but this one day will be all about us as a couple. We both want our marriage to heal, recover, and move forward. Thus, spending quality time together is important. Yesterday was just such a day and it was great.

We started up by me spending the night and waking up naturally in the morning rather than by alarms. We took care of regular errands such as laundry, waiting for the new internet provider to arrive and install wifi, and buying groceries. We then spent most of the day catching up on tv shows, reading novels in bed, making lunch, playing computer games, going back to bed, and then finally deciding we were getting cabin fever and needed to get out of the house! In the evening, we headed over to a flamenco bar to enjoy sangria and dramatic live performances before finally going out for dinner and returning home exhausted. In short, a pretty nice day and one that made me feel like our relationship was just like it was pre-immigration.

I have seen my husband make a lot of changes and begin to adjust his attitude and I am feeling hopeful. I know we have the potential to work on and repair our issues but they will take time and strength on both our parts. I have no doubts I have what it takes but sometimes fear my husband may not be quite as strong as the deck is definitely stacked against him. I am trying to be supportive, encouraging, and empowering without taking on his issues but it definitely is hard as one of the points of all of this is for him to take on more responsibility and be accountable. My taking on his issues is part of what got us into this mess in the first place. It is very hard to not jump in, however.

I had the chance to chat with my counselor about the situation and was assured it seemed like I had a level head and am on the right track. Sometimes it is nice to have an outside perspective. Through the conversation with her, I reminded myself I need to always make time for self care and set up better boundaries with those closest to me-not just my husband but my family. I have learned that sometimes it is best to give family members an update but no details about what is going on in my life. This last while has shown me that my parents are wonderful and supportive in their own way but some of my siblings have disappointed me in a way that really has surprised me. I guess you never know how someone will react in a situation until it comes to be. Anyways, the week is almost done and I am looking forward to the weekend. I hope to incorporate some more fun with my husband as we work on rebuilding bridges and moving forward together.


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