I have my reasons to suspect as to why but the fact is that November always gets me down. I always suffer from a case of the November blues. Some of it must have to do with the change in season and weather but I know there are other reasons as well. Here we are on November 12th-a long weekend-and I have been down and out for a few days.
It is 8:00 am and I have been up since 5:30 am when my husband left for work. I finished off a novel in bed, ate some chocolate (yes, I know it is not good but this is not the addiction I am referring to in the title!), and decided to give some attention to my poor neglected blog. I have not been writing as I have not been feeling very positive this last while. The last thing I wanted to do was put out negativity to the world but now I think I must. Not to release negativity unto others (that is if anyone is even reading my posts!) but because I have been sweeping things under the rug all my life and it cannot be healthy. I am finally ready to tell the truth.
My father is an alcoholic. He is not drunk daily but drinks in binges that last a week at least and often longer. During this time he gets ridiculously drunk, abandons all responsibility, and makes life miserable for the family. We can barely stand to be near him as he spends days in bed in his room with bottles he manages to obtain despite all our efforts to hide and spill them and prevent him from obtaining more. He will do anything for alcohol at these times. He expects love and affection at times and none of us can provide it after all of these years of watching his self destructive behaviour. All my life I have been covering this truth up. All my life I did not share this fact with even a single friend. Now, as my father is getting older, his binges are only increasing. I see the toll it is taking on all of us. I do not know what to do. We have been battling and failing for as long as I can remember.
Also, in the last 5 years or so my mother, my precious mother, who endured so much in her lifetime and whose sacrifices I can see so clearly now has also fallen into addiction. Not alcohol but gambling. I am sometimes still shocked by this. How did this happen? She sometimes says it is due to my father’s drinking and that may be true at times (that she just wants to get a break from him) but more and more we see that is not the only thing. She is an addict. She refuses to get help and is causing an enormous rift in the family that we have all been dealing with the last month or so. She will not cooperate with any recovery plans-not just for herself-but for the financial recovery of their finances. I again do not know what to do but I am worried for both of them and their future. Have they worked hard their whole lives just to end up here?
Addiction is horrible. I can now admit both my parents have severe addictions and I have seen threads of addiction in all three of my sisters. I am not worried about my sisters. We are all worried about my parents. Neither will admit to a problem and neither will get help. We have tried all kinds of things with no success. I do not know what to do. I have been feeling depressed as I have been feeling that I am losing both of them although both are physically present. It is a horrible feeling. As our family struggles with these issues, I am trying to be strong (although I have not always been in the last while) and keep positive. This is all I can do.