They say there is a thin line between love and hate. Despite my last post of all the progress made, my husband and I had a major blow out that almost destroyed our marriage. Our battle-and, yes, it felt like a battle-is something that started off with something I cannot remember. All I do remember is that all gloves came off and we were both surprised by all the fury that was unleashed. We both said and did terrible things that will stay with us for the next while. It leads me to reflect on getting past the nasty residue leftover from such battles.
I recall overhearing a conversation a long time ago between a fairly newly married woman and her mother. The newly married woman was complaining how she cannot get past the fights and issues that occurred between herself and her husband the year prior. Her mother commented that she had been married for 35 years and could her daughter even try to imagine how much she had to get past over the years? The mother said she is happily married overall but there were definitely periods of time that were intensely challenging in different ways and others that were blissful. She also commented that so much history and proximity and intimacy between two people is not only amazing and beautiful but also maddening and frightening. This conversation, despite the years that have passed, has stayed with me.
The concept of a thin line between love and hate is something I definitely understand much better. No one can ruin your day like a spouse can! In my case, I have been feeling worn down over the last 6 months by taking on the warrior role as I mentioned in the last post. This recent blow out only reinforces how I need to empower my partner to take on more himself so he can adjust better as most of our issues are stemming from his adjustment issues. I have also, out of care and concern, let him push the boundaries A LOT and now need to be firm in rebuilding them. I have tried to do this over the last few days since the battle and it is challenging but seems to be working-slowly. Although, it is easy to cave in to the loving looks, I pledge to be strong and set up some boundaries for my own mental health. Thus, I hope I may always stay on the love side of the thin line.